31 December 2012

The Hedonist Revealed

I practice linguistic hedonism - I talk for my own benefit. I have discovered this through years of saying clever things & then having to explain myself. I never learn from my experience that people are nowhere near as clever as I give them credit - perish the thought that I am too obtuse for them to receive benefit from my innate wisdom.

Sometimes, I take joy from the confused look on someone’s face in my personal & secret game of one-up-manship. Each quizzical stare lowers their status in my perception & raises mine in ways they can never understand. Of course, I’m really trying to prove myself worthy of their respect, but I have a strange way of achieving it. The game has been going on for so long that the rules have changed over time & I can no longer remember what the point of playing actually is, or if there is a winner or loser, or how either is determined.

When I’m feeling really superior, I use even more complicated terms to explain what wasn’t understood the first time around, just to show that there’s no way to dumb down the concepts essential to the conversation. On rare occasions, I invent words or acronyms or slang just to add some spice to what is already unpalatable communication.

At some point, I will push my boundaries so far that I will undoubtedly explode in a cloud of incomprehensible guff, leaving a complete lack of substance from behind a spectacular effusion of colourfully flowering verbiage …

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