There’s a lot to be said for apologising when you do something wrong - owning up to something that is your fault, but too often people say they’re sorry when they don’t mean it at all, it’s a knee-jerk reaction to a situation, a meaningless phrase that gives you something to say.
When I was working in a small office, phone calls for the CEO were routed to my desk, at which point I would say “I’m sorry, but she’s not here right now”, & my co-worker would twitter with glee “Don’t be sorry - it’s better when she’s not here”. It goes without saying that her acquisition of the English language did not come with the same pat phrases that mine did.
If you walk down a corridor & turn a blind corner to find someone almost on top of you, the first thing that pops into the mind is “I’m sorry”. What exactly are you sorry for? Having to share the corridor? For the architecture of the building that makes blind corners? Or that the corridor is so narrow that you would have to hug one side to avoid hitting people? As apologies go, it’s quite lame. It’s worse if both parties are sorry, like joining a mutual apologist society. There’s something to be sorry for.
Even when you did not hear someone, or think you may have misheard, “Sorry” can be anything from “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention” to “I’m sorry, but you seem to be mumbling into your lunch” or “I’m sorry, but did you really say that QPR had made it to premier league?”
In Australia, there was a lot of trouble over saying sorry to the native population who endured years of government intervention into their private lives - such as removing children from parents on the basis that they could be brought up better by white people. The idea of saying sorry divided the nation, with half feeling that the Aborigines deserved an apology & the other half thinking that they personally had nothing to do with the policies or practices of the past generation. There are similar movements happening with regards the Japanese actions in World War II - no-one involved in decision-making is still around, & also very few of those directly affected.
However, what does it cost to say “Sorry”? Do you become a lesser person? Only if it is simple a phrase that you insert when you too befuddled to think of anything apt for the occasion. That’s the nub. As knee-jerk reaction phrases go, “Sorry” is one of the most common, inane, & meaningless, in general.
If “sorry” is a learned response to situations, then it can be unlearned through practice - stop yourself, think about what’s going on, & whether you really mean “sorry” at that point. If you don’t, & the other person doesn’t expect it, then try not to say it, & you’ll feel much better.
Another of my pet peeves is “How are you?” - which is prevalent in Australia, but not unique. There’s nothing worse than someone who knows the ritual so well that they say “How are you fine thanks.” That’s when you know that they’re not listening to you & have no interest in the response.
It’s right up there with “Bless you!” when someone sneezes, which is an English practice born from the expectation that your soul is escaping, or else you’re distracted enough for devils to sneak up your nose. If neither of these actually sounds likely, then saying “Bless you” is about as useful as hitting someone over the head with a sledge hammer & saying “Sorry”.
I seem to have gotten carried away there.
Sorry.
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